The Flingeran Center

Orlando Vacation Packages
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VA Loans
If you are a veteran from the Military, then you might get a VA loans. In order to know just what conditions are in your area and if you satisfy all of them, you can use a web-site which is specifically for helping vets to acquire the information they require concerning VA loans. These online resources guide you detail by detail throughout the approach as well as quickly and easily enable you to assess if you qualify. Individuals that do are able to use a VA loans to assist them in their excursion to the American Dream of owning a home.

Doctor. Kathleen Varadi, OBGYN, covering Plano, McKinney and Frisco Tx. Connect with Doctor. Varadi,

Lawyer Jokes

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?

A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?

A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

A: To practice.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?

A: Your Honor.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

A: An offer you can’t understand.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called “Divorced Barbie”?

A: It comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony.

Q: What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

A: Jewelry.

Q: What’s the definition of mixed emotions?

A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?

A: At least accountants know they’re boring.

Stories:

1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions went to a lawyer. His lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

2. As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn?” The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died.”

3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, “And where do you think you’re going to find a lawyer?”

4. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. He hears
someone coming to the door. To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, “I demand one million and not a penny less.” As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, “I’m here to hook up your phone.”

And finally:

You Might Be A Lawyer If…. You are charging someone to read these jokes.

Richard Chapo is a San Diego business lawyer with http://www.sandiegobusinesslawfirm.com and is rumored to have a sense of humor. Then again, you never know with rumors.

Oh my, how I envy those Morning Glory People.

They are the ones who wake up before the rooster crows, stretch like a cat, jump out of bed and into the shower and then into their clothes. In ten minutes tops they have the beds made and breakfast on the table. Five minutes later they’re dancing out the door like Dorthy on her way to see the Wizard. I hate these people. I’m green with envy.

Me? It takes me longer than that to hear the alarm going off. I get out of bed looking like the female version of Kramer. On my good mornings I might have on one slipper. Trying not to stretch anything, I walk into the walls and bang my elbows on every door frame on the way to the kitchen.

I always make the coffee at night because pouring a cup is about all I can manage in the mornings. (it’s worth the bitter acid taste just to have it ready).

When I was out in the work force, I always got out of bed one hour earlier than was necessary just so I would have some extra time to stumble around, and not talk to anyone or have a single thought.

We have a rule in my house. Unless you are dying or the house is on fire, do not speak to me until I have had my coffee. I am incapable of speech or thought for at least thirty minutes, two cups of bitter coffee and a cigarette. (Yeup. That’s ignorant I know, but I still smoke!)

My sister-in-law is a morning glory. I think if I went to her house at five o’clock in the morning, she would have already had her shower, her face would be made up and every hair would be in place. The beds would be made and she would have done 27 loads of laundry, dusted, cleaned the carpets, washed the windows and rearranged the garbage in the can and be sitting on the back porch watching the sunrise while sipping her coffee.

Hubby once toyed with the idea of buying a small farm, complete with cows, pigs and chickens.

“Wouldn’t it be great being a farmer’s wife?” he asked. “I can just picture us milking the cows, slopping the hogs and gathering fresh eggs early in the morning.”

“How early?” I squealed.

“Way before sunrise” he answered, a twinkle in his eye.

After he broke open an ammonia capsule, waved it under my nose and brought me to, he told me he was just kidding.

What a relief! I don’t milk anything except the jar of Coffee Mate that early.

Leeuna Foster is a Marketing Strategist, Author and Poet. She has been writing for two decades and her short fiction and poetry have won several national and regional awards. If you enjoy Southern Humor, visit her website at: http://www.southernfriedwriters.com